Have you ever woke up from a dream that was so gut-wrenching that you actually wake up crying? I just had one of those, and it took me a couple of minutes to realize it was just a dream. Now I’m left processing what happened and why it happened. I know you can’t control your dreams, but I do believe that what you dream reflects true feelings that you have about your life.
I had just seen Star Wars: Force Awakens with a friend of mine, talking about how I really liked the Kylo-Ren character. Then suddenly, here comes the actor who played Kylo-Ren, just moseing down the streets of New Jersey like its no big deal. My friend of course catches his attention, and tells him that I loved his portrayal of Kylo-Ren (especially his hair), and that I thought he was cute! Naturally we began dating and he took me to a conference where he was speaking — what do you expect, it’s a dream 😉 Long story short, I’m sitting at the conference proud of my ‘boyfriend’, and everything is picture-perfect until he thanks his bae for always supporting him. But bae wasn’t me, but some super model that he was ‘really’ dating. And of course, like the girl I am, I begin crying Oprah ugly tears because of course he was dating her…she was gorgeous, why would he like me, etc. And I wake up.
I wake up and the feelings are still there. I realize how incredibly irrational this dream is, but it brought up real emotions that I forgot were there. Now I’m left thinking (and writing this blog post), what does this mean for me? That instead of becoming mad that my ‘boyfriend’ cheated on me, and used me as a sidechick, I became distraught, inadequate, and not good enough to even be his girlfriend?!
But if I am to be honest, as I promise I always will be with you guys, deep down these truly are my fears and insecurities when it comes to dating. Sad, but true. For the most part, I’m a pretty confident person, but just like the human I am, I have insecurities that I’m sure will always be there.
However, I also realize that this makes me ‘stronger’; acting/being confident in myself regardless of my fears and insecurities, realizing and believing that I am good enough, pretty enough, cool enough, and adequate enough to be someone’s ‘bae’. And any man who feels otherwise, isn’t good enough to have me 😛 The same goes for you too! Don’t ever let a man, or anyone, tell you that you’re not good enough…including yourself!
Until Next Time,