I’ve done a little online dating here and there….and by a little, I mean a lot. I hate to say that they’re all the same, but from my experience, they are enough of the same that I no longer feel the need to be on one. But I have to say, reading the messages I received was kind of fun! The occasional, “Hey gorgeous!” “You’re so pretty.” “I want to get to know you.” And my all-time favorite, “Do you date white men?” Followed up by the, “Black girls are so sexy.” Now, I know I was asking for trouble, but of course I had to ask, “Why?” What attracted them to black women? Nine times out of ten, their answer had something to do with our, “big juicy butts.” Yes, someone actually said that to me.
This brings me to something that has plagued me my entire life. You see, as a woman, I live in a society where there are so many beauty standards — Tall, thin, light skin, big boobs, etc. But as a Black woman, I live by even more standards, that can easily be considered stereotypical. One in particular: all black girls have big booties.
There lies my problem — I am a black woman, strong and curvy, with no booty. Crazy right!? How is this even possible? The answer is simple. Not all women of color have big butts. Shocking I know.
Journalist Ashley Andrews mentioned in her article, Closer Look at the Butt: Appropriation and Exploitation of Black Female Sexuality:
Black women in modern society have seemed to be reduced to their large butts. It’s ironic how something so large can be used to reduce a group of people or culture.
With imagery such as Nikki Minaj’s Anaconda, Donk by Soulja Boy, Bootylicious by Destiny Child — Bootylicious was even added to the dictionary — it’s not hard to see why this hyper-sexualization is a thing. Make sure to read the rest of Ashley’s post to see how this plays out more throughout history.
The question is, what does this do to one’s confidence?
Personally speaking, it’s something that I’ve struggled with. I’ve heard in the news time and time again, of women dying o make-shift surgery tables, at the hands of an illegal doctor injecting their butts with cement or whatever unknown material…just to make them bigger. While I would never stoop to these actions, I understand the insecurities behind them.
When you’re constantly told that something is ‘sexy’, something that you’re lacking, it can make you question where you stand. As silly as it sounds, it can be difficult, comparing yourself to others, and worrying about how others (significant others) compare you. I feel like this is something we all can relate to, as each ethnicity has their own standards of beauty to live by.
I’m reminded of something that I’m constantly telling you — it’s funny when your own words come back to haunt you. My value isn’t determined by my looks. And it certainly isn’t determined by my backside.
I may not have much ‘junk in the trunk’, but what I do have to offer is so much more. I am smart. I am kind. I am ambitious. I go after my dreams and goals. I am loved, and I love others. My life has so much value.
Here’s the butt of the matter. Ladies, as hard as it may be, never compare yourself others. Never compare yourself to ideals of beauty, or presumptions people may have about you. You know who you are. That’s all that matters.
Is this something you’ve experienced? Do you sometimes feel insecure about your body? How do you overcome these feelings? Let me know in the comments below.
Until Next Time,