I can’t believe it’s been 3 years since I started Pink Caboodle…officially. I wanted to be a source of encouragement. Not because I myself was ‘confident’ — sis, that is something I’m still trying to work on. But by sharing my personal journey of self-love and acceptance…sharing my vulnerabilities, it’s been my hope to inspire others to find love in everything that makes them who they are.
I’ve learned a lot about myself in this process. I’ve learned that I can be strong and confident. I’ve learned that I can push past my fears, and do the things that haunt me. And I’ve learned that I still have a long ways to go. Just because your body changes, doesn’t mean that all your fears and insecurities change too.
Sharing about my weight loss has been something that I’ve been too scared to speak on. In the #bodypositive community, losing weight almost seems taboo. This has weighed heavily on my mind, and especially my heart….
Anxiety that because I am no longer seen as being ‘visibly plus’, I am no longer worth of my message. For me, this was never about the numbers — the amount of followers or facebook likes I receive. It was about the people, those who I inspired by sharing my personal struggles in life.
For the longest time, I felt the reason why ‘something’ in my life didn’t work, was because of my size. I wasn’t hired because of my size. I wasn’t dating because of my size. I wasn’t, whatever, because of my size. Without a doubt, this played on my confidence. Starting my blog gave me an outlet to express these struggles, and helping me to learn that it was never about my weight, but how I viewed myself and what I was worth. While Pink Caboodle has always been about my life, in the body that I’m in, it has never about my size, simply learning to love myself as I am.
This was and still is my message…so I never considered that sharing this message now — a few sizes smaller — would alienate some of the people I’ve connected to the most. This was like a dagger to my heart — did my message ever truly matter? Or was I just another face wearing nice clothes? 💔
Whether I’m 300lbs or 22, I can no longer hide myself to make other people comfortable. Body Positivity doesn’t stop or begin at a certain size. It doesn’t end the second you lose or gain wait. It just is.
Low self-esteem is something that affects so many women (and men), and at so many different sizes. So as long as I am learning to love who I am, I will continue to share this crazy journey I’ve been on. I hope you will do the same with me 💕 If you can’t, that’s okay….you’re still my chickadee. Thank you for your encouragement, you have no clue what it means to me…
xo, Maya.
