First, notice the word ‘profiles’. Throughout the years, I’ve been on many, many Online Dating sites. OkCupid, EHarmony, POF, Black People Meet, Christian Mingle, Interracial Relationship, and yes, even Farmers Only, the list goes on and on.
It started off as a fun, interesting way to meet new people and make new friends. But as I grew older, it became more serious, and I looked at online dating as a tool to possibly meet ‘the one’.
Like by diet habits, I was on again and off again; actually, this latest go around was at the pressuring of my family (mainly my father), who desperately wants me to be happy with someone who will love and provide for me.
After months of scouring through endless profiles and inbox messages, I’ve finally come to the conclusion that online dating is just not for me.
5 Reasons Why I Quit Online Dating:
1. “You’re so pretty, send more pics…”: Disclaimer — Although I’m on online dating sites, and I share a bit of information about myself to potential suitors, I am still very private about what I put online. I never use my real name, I give a different location to where I live, and only provide a few (2 or 3) pictures for people to see. I’m very marginal with the info I provide…call me paranoid, but you never know who you’re talking to — we’ll talk about this a little later ?. Every now and then I’ll receive the occasional, “you’re so pretty, why no more pics?” Or the, “Can you send me more pics?”
While it’s flattering to hear this, I know what I’m really being asked for — NSFW pics! Not that I have anything against girls who post pics of themselves in skimpy underwear (or without clothes at all), that’s just not my thing. I can be sexy, and desirable, without having to flaunt my body to be objectified by someone who I’ve never met, and is not interested in getting to know me for anything other than my appearance.
My theory is this: if you are truly interested in getting to know me, as a person, there is no reason to ask me for more pics when the three I already have on there is enough. Maybe I’m being too critical, but again, I’m not looking for games, and if you can’t take the time to know who I am before asking me for naked pictures, I’m not interested.
2. Pin Up Doll: This is something that makes me feel very uncomfortable. Every time I receive a notification that an ‘admirer’ “favorited” my profile, I secretly cringe inside. I guess normally this would be a ‘good thing’, but when it’s not followed by a “hello,” or something to show that he’s interested (and serious), it makes me feel objectified; like just another girl pinned to his ‘wall’ of favorites to spark his imagination (desperate times call for desperate measures.) Like this guy…like really?
3. Netflix and Chill: *sigh* Where do I even begin with this? Let me start with this…for those who are like me, and are new to what the term Netflix and Chill means, here’s the urban dictionary definition:
A subtle way to lure a girl to come over to your place, initially as just a “friend”, so that it can lead to an opportunity of getting intimate with her while something is playing on Netflix.
So me, being the ‘innocent’ person that I am *hehe*, thought Netflix and Chill meant exactly what it says, to just hang out, watch a movie, maybe cook some dinner and spend some time getting to know each other. I quickly learned the true meaning of Netflix and Chill, luckily before I took the next step of actually meeting someone. While I’m sure there are plenty of wholesome men out there, in my experience, most who have approached me through online dating is only looking for one thing…sex.
4. Who am I really talking to: Growing up, my parents raised me to look both ways before crossing the street, never talk or take candy from strangers, never wander off on my own, and to never ever talk to people on the internet. They recited horror stories of teens being kidnapped –and more– as a result of talking to someone online, who wasn’t truthful about who they are. For the most part, I followed my parents rules to a ‘T’, however as I became older, and especially now as an adult, I’ve experimented with meeting people and building relationships online. The only problem is, I constantly hear my mother’s voice, whispering in my ear, “don’t do it…don’t talk to strangers, who are you talking to?”
This alone makes me uncomfortable using online dating websites. Add to this how crazy the world has gotten lately (ISIS), and I am full-blown paranoid. How am I to know if I’m actually talking to someone dangerous instead of Joe Schmoe across town? There’s no way of knowing, unfortunately, and I’m too much of a scaredy-cat to even find out.
5. My reasons: Even though I went into online dating with a clear head — looking for a serious relationship — I found myself coming back to it for the wrong reasons. I found myself more drawn to the attention of someone telling me that I looked pretty, instead of focusing on my values and reasons for using these sites. I found myself engaging with men who I was not attracted, and had no business talking to. For me, this was dangerous, because it played on my insecurities and the things that made me vulnerable: my body image, my loneliness, my self-esteem, etc. You hear these horror stories of girls/women who were taken advantage of, ‘cat fished’, or found themselves in unhealthy relationships; you wonder why or how they got into this situation. I now know why. Because it is nice to be wanted and desired…sought after. And while I enjoyed all of those feelings, I’ve realized that its not worth the rabbit hole of problems that are bound to follow.
With that being said, I have deleted all of my online dating profiles, and will solely rely on the good old-fashioned way of dating — boy meets girl, girl likes boy, said boy and girl date, and whatever happens happens. I recently read an article by CeCe Olisa, detailing six ways women can meet men outside of online dating…all which require that you keep an open mind, and open yourself to new opportunities. That’s exactly what I’m going to do. It’s always when you stop looking for ‘something’ that you find it….I’m going to stop looking for love, and let it find me. I’m a hopeless romantic, fairy tails do exist 😉 More importantly, I believe in an old saying that my Nan used to say, “God created a lid for ever pot.” Somewhere out there, there is someone ‘waiting’ for me like I’m waiting for him.
Until Next Time,
UPDATE: So, I just discovered a Disney themed dating site….tempted. 😛